Certifications, job promotions and titles.
I have achieved these over and over again.
All the while, never really asking myself if it was what I really wanted.
It felt good to achieve these goals and feel successful, but what I have soon realized was that it was never out of passion. I just knew it was good to achieve them . It looked good to achieve them. It made me feel validated.
I never realized it then, but validation was something I craved. I needed it to feel like I mattered.
It was my way of proving to those around me that I was here. I was valuable. I was present. I had purpose. I am worthy. I matter.
Once I realized this pattern, I knew it was important to figure out when it started and how it even came about. I could trace this need for validation as far back as I can remember. In our traditional Hispanic culture, the voices, ideas and thoughts of children are merely celebrated. This is most evident if said child was first generation American (me!).
My parents worked tooth and nail to survive in a country that was new in all things language and culture. Growing up, their main concerns were caring for their siblings and making sure there was dinner available. Cut to 25 years later and having a 7 year old daughter tell them that she didn’t appreciate the way she was yelled at in front of her family earlier that day, because it felt embarrassing and condescending.
I’m pretty sure their response was something along the lines of “I’ll show you condescending…(while grabbing the nearest ‘chankla’ [sandal])” Haha.
My parents loved us unconditionally. They provided a life to live wanting nothing that wasn’t essential. They tried their dang hardest to understand American culture while raising myself and my sister. However, patterns are hard to change, especially if one is unaware of them.
No matter how hard I pleaded, raised my voice and stomped my feet, I couldn’t get the validation of my thoughts and feelings that I was striving for, and it left me feeling frustrated, and a tad insignificant. These experiences and memories have changed the course of my life through habits and patterns that constantly sought out validation and praise.
When I was finally able to trace back the source of my habits and patterns to my childhood memories, it was the best “ureka” moment. First and foremost, I developed compassion for my parents because I knew in my heart that they only did nothing short of their best to raise my sister and I. Secondly, I was finally able to start healing those wounds and start changing my current habits and patterns.
Moving forward, I only choose to do things that ignite my passion and soul. Things that give me chills with excitement. Things that are FUN! I am making decisions because they genuinely make me happy, and not because I feel as though I need to prove something or receive validation for my efforts.
I encourage you to open up.
Allow yourself to feel safe to go back to those hurtful, shameful memories that have been dictating your life decisions. Feel safe to go back to your roots so you can heal from them , offer closure spiritually, so that you can change the energy of your thoughts and habits, and then your physical, mental and emotional health can follow and thrive.
Allow yourself to feel and heal and watch the magic happen.
Digging deep and opening up room in your heart for healing and growth can feel overwhelming and emotional. It’s important to have a grounding routine and support system through your healing journey.
I have created a sacred, women’s only Facebook group, as a way to hold space for vibrant women who are reconnecting to their true identity and purpose and life. For women who are reclaiming their power and are ready to do epic sh*t.
I invite you to join our sisterhood where we raise our own vibrations.